Goodbye, Buko, my special boy

Hello. Human, here--aka "Boy"--hijacking the dogs' blog for a bit. I haven't been able to write about it until now, but one week ago tonight, almost to the very hour, I had to let Buko go. As you might've read on the dogs' blog, he suffered a number of health issues since Labor Day, although, clearly, they must have begun long before then. The final diagnosis was numbing: cancer. What had presented at various times as orthopedic and neurological problems had ultimately proven to be a type of soft tissue sarcoma, well beyond any treatable stage. In his final hours, Buko experienced GI distress that caused obvious, acute pain and sent us to the ER. As much as I had hoped for him to drift peacefully off in sleep, at home in bed, we had to say goodbye on a surgical gurney in the hospital. How anyone manages the pain of such a loss is completely beyond me. At times, going on seems impossible. I keep waiting for the happy moments--and they were more than I deserve--to push the pain aside.

My Buko... He was my first "failure" at fostering, the first dog I ever entered a competitive ring with--a first ribbon, a first title. He never rolled his eyes at me when I was spaz, he held his breath when I held mine, and was always up for anything I wanted to do--he always tried, just because I wanted him to. And even though he didn't like it when I used bad words, he always knew when I felt bad and wanted to make it better. He was the purest, most sincere form of unconditional love I've ever known. And maybe one day I will be the kind of man he thought I was and actually be worthy of him. What I ever did to deserve him, I'll never know.

I miss you, Buko. I hope you know I will always love you as much as you loved me.